weeelllll...... hm...
id did not need to know the following thing s..................
1. my best friend is gay.... he told me 2 days ago.... sad
2. my dad has now got facebook again and he is adding my family as friends..... great... im scared........ really scared.....
3. the fact that the people i value in my life laugh at me behindly my back.... family included....
4. i am nearly the same weight as my mother.... she is short.... im at least 20cm taller.... i have gained weight and now ther on 12 kg difference.... mum says its muscle....
ha whatever she reckons... im unfit and fat and the guy i have liked for ages and now got a new gf and she knows it.... stupid slut
ha and um..... jeeremy wants to catch up cause we have been texting eachother all the time....
i miss ben and i want to catch up with him without my whole family saying stuff to me all the time
i miss blake.... robert.... they used ot be my best friends..... and it hurts...
i miss my dad.... there i said it.... i dont know why,,, i knohw i should nt but i just do and it hurts me to even say it to my mum...
MY SISTER MADZ IS A BITCH.... i know thats mean and all.... but she got a phone when she was 8.... right thats underestandabble.... now she is getting a laptop from my nan and the internet...
it is unfair becasue they r expereicnivng everything i never got to do and they dont understand....
1. i got my first fone wen i was 12 for emeergencies...
2. got a laptop in yr 10 for yr 11 and 12
3. got fb last year on my birthday
4. did not get to finish my swimming lessons
and my sibs have got thins....
1. mads got phone wen she was 8.
2. MOVING.... i have moved house 18 times.... the kids have licved in 4 houses max... i have been to 12 school from pre primary to yr 4 and ahalf...
there schooling has just been at dudley park
ugh i nate life sometimes
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
Monday, 30 May 2011
everyone loves fakes
FAKES...... WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???? DOES ANYONE KNOW A FAKE??? HOW CNA YOU TELL??? THEY DONT HAVE BEADY EYES OR horns or maybe bad breath..... no the most common fakes are the ones around u.......... they are everywhere........................ they may even be ur friend... be warned they might turn u into one 2!!!! :(
what do u do when u dont care anymore???
wellll...... soooo much to say i guess.....
1. the ball: was freaking amazing!!!everyone cleaned up really nice and i got some nice pics of everyone FACEBOOK!!!! lol it was so much fun but my parents said no to an after party!! when r they going to let me live!! i will be 18 at uni, and if i go out drinking i will prob get spiked accoriding to dad. well if they are so worried, why dont they let me out??? hhhmmmmm.... they are having the worst trouble letting go, yet when im not home on camp they dont care!!! how fucked is that.????? :)
2. shark bay: no comment except that i am sooo going again and nobody undertsnads how amazing it is and thats why it makes it ao hard to tell my friends.... they dont understand how imprtant some things are to me and it sucks....... but the stars, the group and the kayaking was the best experience of my life....!!!!!
3. camping: yay,,, 1 day home and 3 days camping,,,,... i was sooo tired and i also heard about the spies family and i cried but its sad and i dont like anyone if they call me any names becasue how can u not feel sad after that sort of tradgety to someone we went to school with????
4. exams: ha stressed..... WHAT DO U MEAN IM NOT STRESSED????? i am having an anxiety attack every night at home its that bad.... i dont want to disspapoint my family.... mum and dad.... :(
5. i found out that my mum had a seizure like 2 days ago, yeah, she has not even told my dad yet and she cant move her arm properly..... great....... :( and she is starting to have a mid life crisis.... for my mother will never become a grandmother......and its sad..... she says she knows she wont last 10 years and it makes me sad because i dont want to have a kid now, but i also want my mum to be a grandmother becfore she dies...... is it possible.... i will have to be the one to become pregnant cause im oldest and im nealry 18..... i cant do it though not yet.....
5. i like him, i have no idea how he feels....
6. FML
7. THAT IS ALL
8. bye
:) xoxo
1. the ball: was freaking amazing!!!everyone cleaned up really nice and i got some nice pics of everyone FACEBOOK!!!! lol it was so much fun but my parents said no to an after party!! when r they going to let me live!! i will be 18 at uni, and if i go out drinking i will prob get spiked accoriding to dad. well if they are so worried, why dont they let me out??? hhhmmmmm.... they are having the worst trouble letting go, yet when im not home on camp they dont care!!! how fucked is that.????? :)
2. shark bay: no comment except that i am sooo going again and nobody undertsnads how amazing it is and thats why it makes it ao hard to tell my friends.... they dont understand how imprtant some things are to me and it sucks....... but the stars, the group and the kayaking was the best experience of my life....!!!!!
3. camping: yay,,, 1 day home and 3 days camping,,,,... i was sooo tired and i also heard about the spies family and i cried but its sad and i dont like anyone if they call me any names becasue how can u not feel sad after that sort of tradgety to someone we went to school with????
4. exams: ha stressed..... WHAT DO U MEAN IM NOT STRESSED????? i am having an anxiety attack every night at home its that bad.... i dont want to disspapoint my family.... mum and dad.... :(
5. i found out that my mum had a seizure like 2 days ago, yeah, she has not even told my dad yet and she cant move her arm properly..... great....... :( and she is starting to have a mid life crisis.... for my mother will never become a grandmother......and its sad..... she says she knows she wont last 10 years and it makes me sad because i dont want to have a kid now, but i also want my mum to be a grandmother becfore she dies...... is it possible.... i will have to be the one to become pregnant cause im oldest and im nealry 18..... i cant do it though not yet.....
5. i like him, i have no idea how he feels....
6. FML
7. THAT IS ALL
8. bye
:) xoxo
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
ha that is funny
lol
am i self centerd????
so i honestly think the world revolves around me??? seriously do i???
i dont know and i want to know
i dont believe that i am, but my parents have been telling me that i am and thaT I REMIND MY MOTHER OF MY FATHER!!!! the stupis bloddy bastard and i hate him. how the hell she can refer me tohim is beond me lol
:)
am i self centerd????
so i honestly think the world revolves around me??? seriously do i???
i dont know and i want to know
i dont believe that i am, but my parents have been telling me that i am and thaT I REMIND MY MOTHER OF MY FATHER!!!! the stupis bloddy bastard and i hate him. how the hell she can refer me tohim is beond me lol
:)
Monday, 28 March 2011
well that settles it
i am so sick of my life right now....
my parents think im screwed in the head... the want to me to see a shrink
lol ha funny maybe becasue i keep things bottled up all the time it makes me crazy i dont know and i dont care....
i got a message from matts yesterday it hurt and now i dont know how to feel
my friends .... what would i do wihouth them??? i dont know but i do know what i can do without them eitrher,,,, it sucks
but i am sorry to be torn between 2 people
its not my fault
this is not regarding people from ym school !!! :)
i want to leave..... im so sick of my life atm
school si an escape from which my life revolves around
i have so much to do so little time
and i dont know how im going to do i t all
my life is like a twisted ass slinky
i dont even think my mum likes me anymore
everyday when i leave for school i sweaer she celebrates
im scared
i have started having nightmares again
of someone coming inot my room, at night
but i know it s a dream
and i have dreams of being alone..... og being left in the dark...... to be in a black hole and which i cannot escape
i miss my father.... i know i shuodl not say those words.... but i do
it does not help when my nan keeps seeing my grandad sid everyday and telling me... it hurts to knwo my cousins have groqwn up without me....
the ball is soon... i showed my dad my ball dress last night... im not sure if i look nice or like a whale.,.. it's poofy At the back and so im ont sure.... the look on my dads face.... i dont know... if he liked it or looked like it made me look like a whale... thats how i felt.... and i still do
i have 3 weeks to lose some weight...
yay
bbbyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeee
my parents think im screwed in the head... the want to me to see a shrink
lol ha funny maybe becasue i keep things bottled up all the time it makes me crazy i dont know and i dont care....
i got a message from matts yesterday it hurt and now i dont know how to feel
my friends .... what would i do wihouth them??? i dont know but i do know what i can do without them eitrher,,,, it sucks
but i am sorry to be torn between 2 people
its not my fault
this is not regarding people from ym school !!! :)
i want to leave..... im so sick of my life atm
school si an escape from which my life revolves around
i have so much to do so little time
and i dont know how im going to do i t all
my life is like a twisted ass slinky
i dont even think my mum likes me anymore
everyday when i leave for school i sweaer she celebrates
im scared
i have started having nightmares again
of someone coming inot my room, at night
but i know it s a dream
and i have dreams of being alone..... og being left in the dark...... to be in a black hole and which i cannot escape
i miss my father.... i know i shuodl not say those words.... but i do
it does not help when my nan keeps seeing my grandad sid everyday and telling me... it hurts to knwo my cousins have groqwn up without me....
the ball is soon... i showed my dad my ball dress last night... im not sure if i look nice or like a whale.,.. it's poofy At the back and so im ont sure.... the look on my dads face.... i dont know... if he liked it or looked like it made me look like a whale... thats how i felt.... and i still do
i have 3 weeks to lose some weight...
yay
bbbyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeee
Tuesday, 22 March 2011
i cant think straight let alone think
i had meningitus 3 years ago... nearly... to june
i was so scared i had never heard of it and it was happening to me.... it started with headaches and then the night i went to take my little borther to see the eagles at hungry Jacks i had a heachache and next day BAM!!! i got sick
it was the weirdest thing to ever happen to me... my doctor told me my brain had swelled up twice its size and if i had not gone to the hospital when i did. i would have died of a brain hemooraghe on the right side...
my doctor and friends think i surivied it casue i was lucky... im not so sure.... i have not been the same since, my family can tell when i try to do simple things... but my memory is really good.
sometimes i wonder if it ever went away... my brain scans show everything is as it should be... but in my own head i know it is'nt and it makes me find it difficult when i try to explain things... and so thats a problem
... it was a sick feeling of being in a rollercoaster and everything is moving to fast for you to see it... to feel as if your brain is going to explode and any movemet triggers a slash o f apin in your head neck and face... no body should have to go through meningiuts.... i hope i never have to again... it was so fucking terrifying... and when i tell my firends that it's been another year they think aww wow thats good... i know the dont really care.... sometimes i wonder if me dying would have been better for everyone... no... i had to much to live for and i dont regret saying that... i only wonder that wheni feel so low in my life.... :(
i was so scared i had never heard of it and it was happening to me.... it started with headaches and then the night i went to take my little borther to see the eagles at hungry Jacks i had a heachache and next day BAM!!! i got sick
it was the weirdest thing to ever happen to me... my doctor told me my brain had swelled up twice its size and if i had not gone to the hospital when i did. i would have died of a brain hemooraghe on the right side...
my doctor and friends think i surivied it casue i was lucky... im not so sure.... i have not been the same since, my family can tell when i try to do simple things... but my memory is really good.
sometimes i wonder if it ever went away... my brain scans show everything is as it should be... but in my own head i know it is'nt and it makes me find it difficult when i try to explain things... and so thats a problem
... it was a sick feeling of being in a rollercoaster and everything is moving to fast for you to see it... to feel as if your brain is going to explode and any movemet triggers a slash o f apin in your head neck and face... no body should have to go through meningiuts.... i hope i never have to again... it was so fucking terrifying... and when i tell my firends that it's been another year they think aww wow thats good... i know the dont really care.... sometimes i wonder if me dying would have been better for everyone... no... i had to much to live for and i dont regret saying that... i only wonder that wheni feel so low in my life.... :(
Monday, 21 March 2011
ha sweet
now.... i dont see the big deal about blogs.... technically the freak me out and everyone kept going on about them so i might as well have one too! wow what friends do to you!!! :)
well it was my mums 40th birthday on friday.... now i know for a fact that many people dont see that as a big deal and all ... whoo a person turned an age.... but what is an age really??? another year thats past so we can just getr older and evenutally die... is a reminder that another year is closer to our deaths??/ i dont know and i am happy for my mum to turn 40...
people dont undierstand what it means for me for my mum to turn 40... they think its great... they never ask about how i feel about it or what my thoughts are.... everyone just thinks that my life is perfect... to an extent....
now i know my friends have blogs and i dont care if they read it.... but there are a lot of things on my mind that i cannot share with them.... let alone think them in my head....
okay my mum is 40 with moya moya... great... but i swear she is getting worse.... she may seem happy and alive all the time... but i think she is depressed becasue she admits it's just another year before she dies.... moya moya is an uncruable disease with no cure,.... some of my friends know to the extent of that but im not going into it...
when my mum turned 40 i was so happy... but so sad... she said she could take her moya moya away and give me another 10 ytrsof my life back..... but i dont want to... i want to believe it's making me a stronger person for when she dies... i dont think i can.... i cry all the time.... it hurts and nobody understands... no body fully understands another person... even your good friends.....
my unlce jerry is dying of Melonoma a cancer and he said he got to attatched to his daughter when she died... how can you not get attatched to people if their your familty.... hee said i needed to be strong for when she goes... or else i will not get out of a dark pit... in which uncle jerry has still not escaped... he said it will engulf me and i can never get out... he cries... not fo fear or despari but of anger and sorrow... how can our loved ones be taken so cruelly?? it is not fair and so many people are lucky to appreciate what they've got...
i know this a blog and i can saywhat ever but yeah...
my friends are my helpers, my friends.,... i can nearly tell them anything... but they still backstab eachother... and maybe me but i dont care. as long as i am here all year and d o good and go to uni i wont b a fialure anynmore... ui will prove my dad wrong... he thinks i am a failure... and i do too....
i admit that i am fat... casue my whole family remindds me,,, i try to block it out but it does'nt work.. i try to do good in school but it;s never good enough and so that is pressure on me that is smothring me... i want to go to uni just so i can leave... i cant wait to finally leave and LIVE!!!!
so yeah... i cannot wait
i beleive it will make me stronger but i dont know
i am strong in the physical way but mentally i am as screwed up as a twisted slinky
thanks for reading
well it was my mums 40th birthday on friday.... now i know for a fact that many people dont see that as a big deal and all ... whoo a person turned an age.... but what is an age really??? another year thats past so we can just getr older and evenutally die... is a reminder that another year is closer to our deaths??/ i dont know and i am happy for my mum to turn 40...
people dont undierstand what it means for me for my mum to turn 40... they think its great... they never ask about how i feel about it or what my thoughts are.... everyone just thinks that my life is perfect... to an extent....
now i know my friends have blogs and i dont care if they read it.... but there are a lot of things on my mind that i cannot share with them.... let alone think them in my head....
okay my mum is 40 with moya moya... great... but i swear she is getting worse.... she may seem happy and alive all the time... but i think she is depressed becasue she admits it's just another year before she dies.... moya moya is an uncruable disease with no cure,.... some of my friends know to the extent of that but im not going into it...
when my mum turned 40 i was so happy... but so sad... she said she could take her moya moya away and give me another 10 ytrsof my life back..... but i dont want to... i want to believe it's making me a stronger person for when she dies... i dont think i can.... i cry all the time.... it hurts and nobody understands... no body fully understands another person... even your good friends.....
my unlce jerry is dying of Melonoma a cancer and he said he got to attatched to his daughter when she died... how can you not get attatched to people if their your familty.... hee said i needed to be strong for when she goes... or else i will not get out of a dark pit... in which uncle jerry has still not escaped... he said it will engulf me and i can never get out... he cries... not fo fear or despari but of anger and sorrow... how can our loved ones be taken so cruelly?? it is not fair and so many people are lucky to appreciate what they've got...
i know this a blog and i can saywhat ever but yeah...
my friends are my helpers, my friends.,... i can nearly tell them anything... but they still backstab eachother... and maybe me but i dont care. as long as i am here all year and d o good and go to uni i wont b a fialure anynmore... ui will prove my dad wrong... he thinks i am a failure... and i do too....
i admit that i am fat... casue my whole family remindds me,,, i try to block it out but it does'nt work.. i try to do good in school but it;s never good enough and so that is pressure on me that is smothring me... i want to go to uni just so i can leave... i cant wait to finally leave and LIVE!!!!
so yeah... i cannot wait
i beleive it will make me stronger but i dont know
i am strong in the physical way but mentally i am as screwed up as a twisted slinky
thanks for reading
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