well that settles it

i am so sick of my life right now....
my parents think im screwed in the head... the want to me to see a shrink
lol ha funny maybe becasue i keep things bottled up all the time it makes me crazy i dont know and i dont care....
i got a message from matts yesterday it hurt and now i dont know how to feel



my friends .... what would i  do wihouth them???  i dont know but i do know what i can do without them eitrher,,,, it sucks
but i am sorry to be torn between 2 people
its not my fault
this is not regarding people from ym school !!! :)

i want to leave..... im so sick of my life atm
school si an escape from which my life revolves around
i have so much to do so little time
and i dont know how im going to do i t all

my life is like a twisted ass slinky
i dont even think my mum likes me anymore
everyday when i leave for school i sweaer she celebrates
im scared

i have started having nightmares again
of someone coming inot my room, at night
but i know it s a dream
and i have dreams of being alone..... og being left in the dark...... to be in a black hole and which i cannot escape

i miss my father.... i know i shuodl not say those words.... but i do
it does not help when my nan keeps seeing my grandad sid everyday and telling me... it hurts to knwo my cousins have groqwn up without me....

the ball is soon... i showed my dad my ball dress last night... im not sure if i look nice or like a whale.,.. it's poofy At the back and so im ont sure.... the look on my dads face.... i dont know... if he liked it or looked like it made me look like a whale... thats how i felt.... and i still do
i have 3 weeks to lose some weight...
yay
 bbbyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeee